A problem's solved, a new one strikes!

These past weeks have been my toughest weeks ever in preparing my marriage. Lots of stressful things happened. I'm so exhausted, physically and mentally. One problem is solved, another is coming, it's like a satanic circle. Keep round and round and round. Like there's no end.

After I finished with church thing, then I have to deal with legal stuff. Another crazy thoughts and another fight. Yet we can solved this, once again. But another is already on the waiting list.

This preparing is supposed to be fun, happy and lots of excitements. I do, really! I'm so exciting when we're shopping for our room, our bathroom, our wardrobe. Buying this, buying those. I was tired *physically* but yet I enjoyed it.

Entering to technical stuff like church, legal stuff, hotel etc, they are like nightmares to me. I'm panicked all the time.

But I always keep my sister's line in mind, she said "This is your wedding, your dream comes true, so enjoy it. Just sit back and make it fun. Enjoy while you still can since it's not coming twice"

Yup, this is my marriage, my dream comes true, I've been waiting for this long time ago, so I won't make any stupid things let this marriage down. Never!!!

This is only the beginning of our new level, it's like our pre-trial. We're going to prove that we can handle these all. Because I have one great Lord at my side and hubby-to-be at the other side.

So problems, BRING IT ON!!!!!

Another fight, another negotiation

It's getting closer to our wedding and lots of tension for both us. We had another fight and now it's about pre-marital test. I thought that it's important for both of us, but he had different perspective about it.

Once again I let my ego and my emotion dealt with it instead of having discussion with open mind about that test. Luckily I have a great hubby-to-be, he really understand me so well. But he taught me something, he said to me that if we are having disagreement of something, we have to discuss with no emotion and not involving any egos.

I don't know whether this marriage effects me or this is a real me?

I'm so scared.

12 June 2010

That was my last date seeing those kids. That was the date of my last job as a teacher. Sad because I'm going to miss those moments. Moments with those kids. It almost 1 year in teaching them. Never know that this job will make me feeling like this. Wish I can be a teacher in my earlier time. But it's ok. It's enough for me since I had a chance for knowing them, for teaching them and for being someone in their life.

Thank you for everything kids, thank you for making my life brighter.

Wish you all will always remember me as your teacher.

Hugs.

Shocking Therapy

Couple days ago, I just had quite touching chat with my sister. At first I complaint about our auntie's comment about our parents. Then she said something that shocked me. All my point of view are changing. I paused. I asked myself and I felt ashamed.

I had a great parents and wonderful family and I can't realize it until now. Yes until now. I wasted all my time and my money. Feel bad about it. But my sister told me to move and not to regret anything since it will be my motivation in future. Nice advice. I really feel bad with my family especially with my dad n my mom.

I know maybe it's too late but it's better than never.

I was so wrong and I want to make it right now.

My life is for my family and loved ones.

"Ninik sayang mama, sayang papa. Sori nek ninik ga isa ngasih apa2 ke papa mama"

Preparing

Yes, I'm preparing my marriage. Finally. Wakakakakaka. I'm so excited. Over excited.

Salahkah bila diriku terlalu gembira? Ga juga. Tapi kadang kegembiraan itu bisa menjadi senjata makan tuan. Terlalu banyak n terlalu memikirkan persiapan pernikahan like choosing vendors, malah yang paling penting itu jadi ketinggalan.

Yup, my mind set after marriage. Aku kudu memikirkan dan menyiapkan diri menjadi seorang istri, menantu dan ibu yang baik tuk keluarga baru ku. Aku harus belajar lebih terorganisir *maksud e lebih rapi, lebih isa bangun pagi n lebih isa ngatur duit* wakakakaka. Aku juga harus bisa belajar toleransi n "nerimo" Kalo selama ini si yohan yang selalu "nerimo" maybe now it's my turn as his wife. Juga belajar tuk bisa toleransi dengan mertua *nih keknya yang susah*

Begitu banyak pikiran di kepalaku, yang mana hampir saja membuatku tuk "call the wedding off" Yup, it passed my mind before. Aku gak mau pas pacaran manis manis sampe eek pun rasa latte mochachino tapi pas merit itu semua berubah. But I'm so lucky that I have Yohan as my hubby. He can stand by me and I wish I can *have to* stand by him.

Both of us are not perfect, but in our imperfectness there will be a perfect love life. Ameen!!!!

Teaching

Yes, that is my new job. Teaching english for kids. 3 and 4 years old kids. Boys and Girls. Looks like this job is easy *at the first time* but after I dealt it few weeks, I found out that this job is not easy as it looks. Every class is a test for me. The cases are not similar with the previous class. There will be a new challenge, a new case and a new silliness.

Those kids are so funny and they're little devil at the same time. They can eat you alive if you're not prepared yourself. But if you can accomplish your mission and teach them a new thing, you will have this feeling. Proud feeling. I love that feeling. Especially if they're looking for me, holding my hands, hugging me and calling me "Miss Mela"

Thou I feel tired after teaching but their smile really can brighten up my mood once again.

This job is not easy, will never be easy, but I enjoy it. This job needs my creativity and my heart. Yes, my heart. I will need my heart for teaching them since it's not only teaching but also making a new character in those tiny bodies.

"I am special, I am special, God loves me, God loves me. Nobody the same as me, because I'm special, God loves me"

What did I get from Donggala?

2 weeks ago I went to Donggala, a small city in Mid Sulawesi. It's my bf hometown. I stayed there for almost 2 weeks and I got lots of things. They can be some review for my complex life.

But it was not like a common vacation. Even I was in my holiday, but in working days, I helped my bf and his parents at their business shop. It sells anything. Just name it and they will provide it for you. At first, I had objection since I was planning to enjoy my holiday and didn't want to work. But I felt terrible. I learned something. This shop will be mine someday (if I get married with my bf) and I have to know this shop more. Learn about the goods, the warehouses and the systems.

Then I had some a competition with the other daughter-in-laws. She can cook and the taste is quite nice. Also she can clean the house, do the laundry and wash the dishes. What a perfect wife. I lost my self esteem, my confident. I'm afraid that my future parents-in-law will love her more and will compare both of us. That's why I hate her so much.

But one day, something happened. I was in the house with her and my bf's mom. Since I hate of being a bitch, so I started to make a proper conversation with her (most of our previous conversations filled with cynical). Then I realized that she's not that bad. She's nice and she's willing to teach me some recipes (It feels like I got heart attack). Suddenly something crossed my mind. It wasn't her fault that she's better that me in everything. It's my own fault. I'm the one who don't want to learn how to cook, how to clean the house, how to wash the dishes or do the laundry. I have a working woman in my mind set. Fortunately, I still have time to learn those. My goal is being a complete woman. Half working woman and half wife.

Regarding the parents-in-law, I don't care if they don't like me. I'm trying to do my best to be their good daughter-in-law. Not the best or the perfect daughter-in-law. Hopefully they can love as their own daughter.